Australia to kill US pigeon who survived 8,000-mile trip across Pacific

It was found by a man named Kevin Celli-Bird, which just seems too good to be true.

A racing pigeon that survived an 8,000-mile (13,000km) journey across the Pacific Ocean from the United States to Australia, is to be put to death over fears it may be carrying disease.

The bird “rocked up” to Kevin Celli-Bird’s garden in Melbourne, in an “emaciated” state.

He has since been nursed back to full health, but it is still expected to be killed.

“They say if it is from America, then they’re concerned about bird diseases,” said the aptly-named Celli-Bird.

He said: “They wanted to know if I could help them out. I said, ‘to be honest, I can’t catch it. I can get within 500 mil (millimetres or 20 inches) of it and then it moves”.

Experts suspect Joe (named by Celli-Bird after the new American President) hitched a ride on a cargo ship.

Mr Celli-Bird, who says he has no interest in birds “apart from his last name”, said he could no longer catch the pigeon with his bare hands since it had regained its strength.

As a result, Australia’s Quarantine and Inspection Service will be getting involved, according to Sky News.

We could make a joke about the bird making the right decision by getting the hell out of America, but we wouldn’t stoop that low…